Mia J

one day we will be remembered.

SO

I have decided I will post once a week.

...I promise, really.

I have been ABSOLUTELY terrible at posting.

This semester has been QUITE hectic and I can't wait to update you!

1. I applied to the 5 year education program!

2. I am a newly initated sister of Theta Phi Alpha

3. School, obviouslyy!

Those are just a few of the things that are new in my life, but recenty I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the future. Since I have applied to grad school and (granted I get in) I will be here at Sacred Heart an extra year. And not that that is not exciting and great but I know I will be itching for change. So  I am thinking I want to live in the city maybe. I'll expecially love it in the winter timeeee. I like the city when its cold out, I just think pea coats in manhattan are cute.

Becoming more of who I am at Sacred Heart is great, sometimes you just have to tune out those who do not have your best interest in mind. They really mean nothing in life so you just have to let it go. Follow the path that is emerging and see where the new things take you. Dont be so set on something that you end up missing the detours : ) 

Talk to you next week!

 

5 things that make me happy....right now

1. Holiday Season : )

2. Buying the perfect presents!

3. Jackets

4. Theta Phi Alpha

5. Red Mango

...whats yours?

 

 

theres never a wish better than this when youve only got a hundred years to live

Hello my friends!

    After a wonderful and refreshing summer we are BACK!

Classes began this Tuesday and my suitemates and I are settling in to our new home for the year. Sophomore year seems to be mellow but fun...which is great because after the ups and downs and stresses of being a freshman, I am making it my first priority to be relaxed and happy this year. I would like to think thats actually possible but it might just be a side effect of the fact that I am still in summer mode.

The weather is getting cooler and cooler by the day...which i love becuase my FAVORITE season...fall<3 is on its way! All the pretty leaves and the smell of autumn air...it cant come soon enough. Fall, for me, is a sign that new things are beginning. I dont feel that way when its new years or even when we go from spring to summer and things are changing, i feel it the most right now. Its the time to decide what you want to do for this year...what will make you happy. Decide what that is and just do it. 

Top Five Things That Will Make Me Happy This Year : )

1. Vera

2. Blue

3. Jeans

4. Gym

5. Friends : )

...whats yours.

paint it golden with the sunrise.

When I left home, I lost close friends. Just because our lives were no longer relevant. Are we "friends"? Yes, of course. Are we close? No. However, that was expected. When I came here, losing close friends was not on the top of my to-do list. But, it happened.

I am not one to make friends and then, things evolve and change, and all of a sudden theyre forgotten.In reality, friendships are essentially meant to be effortless, just there. Really because thats what a friend is supposed to be. Someone you dont have to try hard to be around. Literally, lacking effort. If you have to try in the everyday world, at the end of the day, having to "try" with a friend would be no different. They're the small group of people who you can talk to about the world and escape from it together, as well. And of course there are exceptions, times when there is a need for effort but, a constant one? No. Becuase then it becomes part of the other, the part where it's hard work.

I am one to rely and to be relied on. I'll listen until my ears literally fall of. But, thats how i think friendships are built. You can talk and I can talk and it will be heard. There is an understanding, a respect and a value. And, of course laughter. But what happens when that becomes not woth it, when the ears you have to listen and the smiles are not good enough anymore?

I have tried to fix it, to be a different kind of friend, but any and all versions are unwanted. My worth is lacking, no longer needed and shut out. I have other friends, of course, ones who I can not thank enough for being exactly who they are, and love with my whole heart, every single day. But, there is this lingering feeling of worthlessness that wont leave. 

Will I be strong to accept ths change? of course. Will it be hard? of course. And I'd like to believe that it's when youre here that you realize,  the ones who dont find you worth it, who don’t think twice about forgetting you,will in the end, just be a moment in time, a blip on your radar, a distant memory that you have the power to relive or forget.

I'm reaching but the rest is up to you.

Recently, I have been letting things that I do define who I am, instead of defining myself. I let people assume I am who I am because I do x,y and z. I think that is the key I have been missing in building relationships with people. I have been lacking a personal connection. I feel the need to prove myself to them, instead of letting them get to know me. I want them to see me in a certain light, mostly because I, in a way, fear their judgments, and I have been completely avoiding any other type of interaction.

I have realized because of this, I have been holding myself back from being able to be completely comfortable in my own skin here. I hold others as better than. I watch others do things and envy who they are without realizing the greatness of the things I do. Sometimes I need to step forward and be a strong confident person, knowing who I am and what I am capable of. Aside from that, I really need truly believe that instead of just pretending I do so others see me that way. 

This whole time, it has been me. I have had the capability to change all this by simply seeing it in myself.

Things are going to happen as they will but at the end of the day I just need to be proud of what I've done, the decisions I make and the person I am. Though that, others will be able to do the same, I just have to let them.

So maybe, it's time for me to open up in a different way for people to accept me for all of the things that I am, to build relationships that go deeper than things we have common and maybe my little world will get a bit bigger.

Top Five...things that make me happy right now

1. My scarf

2. The flower on my desk

3. Tuesdays

4. My new room

5. Sara Barelles 

whats yours...

lightining settles when you speak.

In situations where I find things not going my way, I tend to blame myself first. How can I change to make the situation better? What did I do? What can I do? And today, I realized that sometimes it isn't me at all. Sometimes, it's others and their decisions and actions. I need to feel strong in who I am as a person and continue on the way I see fit. Other people need to sort out who they are and what they're doing and if that means right now, we don't mesh, then that's what it means.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller

I have issues with things changing. Before Christmas break, I did not want to leave. Then, when it was over, I did not want to come back. I get anxious about things, I guess cause I've never done this before. I don't know what to expect and it makes me nervous. Did things change? Absolutely. Are they for the better? I guess we'll see. But, it's tough being back and finding a new routine, a new way about things and functioning with the changes. The one thing I can say is that I plan on doing it with out stopping and looking back. Why? Because I've heard it been said that the happiest people are those who let the past be the past. So, I shall do just that and keeeeep going.

One thing I like to do when I start something new, like this semester, is set goals, and you should too. They don't have to be concrete but, something to aim for. I feel like without goals, there is no purpose. With out goals, it's easier to get lost in the middle. Just a thought. 

Top Five...things that make me happy right now

1. New Roomie =]

2. Gilmore Girls

3. iPhone!

4. McFlurry Date

5. When my bed is made.

it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.

  

     It took me a long time in high school to find my group of friends. And when I say a long time, I mean, I always knew them, we were always friends, but it wasn't until my senior year 'til it was a consistent thing. 12th grade, and the summer before I left really defined high school for me. I knew it was going to be an extremely hard transition, and it was. But now, being away for a semester and figuring things out, still, home is the most comfortable place. I left this semester feeling afraid to go back home, scared of what was to come and how it would affect me and this new person I had become. Now, I'm here and I remember what it feels like to be this person. There's a sense of free-ness with people who understand you, which I haven't found much yet at school. It's a comfort and a cushion and a place to play out your change, figure out what's really you, what's not and how to mix it all in to one, which in and of it self is a life long project.

     Each part of your life is a stitch in the quilt made uniquely of the stages you go through. To know it all now would defeat the purpose of living the journey. Eventually, the quilt will represent the whole person but until then, were not finished becoming.

       We are forever works in progress. 

Top Five...Things that make me happy right now

1. Christmas Decorations

2. Kindergarteners

3. 11725

4. Iggy

5. Snow

What's yours...

I'll never be the kind who simply waves her hand and has a million people do the things I wish I'd done

In this post, I challenge you. Where were you in September? Who were you? Where are you now? Think back to your friends, are they new, have they developed? Are you happy? Why? Why not? 

When I look out the window on nights where it's truly winter, the white snow is so far from the orange sun and blue skies of august. It scares me how fast this semester has gone. And like my summer tan, the person I left as, has faded and someone new is becoming. But thats a result of the simple fact that life doesn't stop, ever. Still, I wish I could freeze time and hold onto this. This feeling of completely giving myself to the journey, walking the path with out question. Once you've let yourself do that, the things you will find are astonishing. 

Just cause this hasn't been anything I expected or asked for, it was huge for me. I really don't know if any other period of time in my life will ever be as vital and clearly changing for me, but, I mean, I didn't expect this so that doesn't say much. The clock is still ticking, it always will be, even when were done here. Our time is just a minute in the bigger picture and these experiences mere seconds on our clock. Just because I don't always love or connect with those around me, I do what I love and I am becoming a person I love. That's enough for now. I've built a handful of relationships that go further than the surface and their value to me is greater than I thought I could hold. But the person I have become and am in the process of becoming has the potential to do a lot of things I didn't think were possible before. We are capable of many things when we develop into the person were supposed to be. The best of yourself is reachable when you let yourself just be and live and do. This is part of the journey. Don't fight your journey just live it, let it take you where it may because where ever that is, is exactly where your supposed to be. 

So, this time...

Top 5...things that make you love the person you are and are becoming

1. My love for children.

2. My want to make a difference.

3. My unique way about relationships.

4.My loveeeeee for the journey.

5. The value I place on every aspect of my being and of my life.

What's yours...

Christmas, is not a date. It's a state of mind.

With Christmas music playing, cookies baking and parkas warming, we can all begin to fall into the fluffy holiday time mentality. Cozy warm hot chocolate dates and sledding on mountainous snow days will all be arriving in short order. Everything's a little different around christmas time. People are brighter, even though the sun shines less. Smiles are warmer against the cold exterior and things, without fail are always  sweet...cookies, pie, candy canes. YUM=].

But anyways, sometimes things just get better around the holidays. You remeber that no matter how much you hate your friends and family...you really love them and theyre unique, like snow flakes. Being home for Thanksgiving is almost like a Christmas tease. Seeing everyone who you can count on and is the perfect amount of familiar is the best thing after being thrown into a world of new.

When you gear up to go outside, long sleeved shirt, pants, snow boots, jacket, hat, gloves and long socks is putting on everything comfortable and protective to help you face the cold winter. Inside your house with the tree and the pretty lights, its easier to step outside knowing thats still there. Thats kinda like what leaving for school is. You leave knowing whats safe is still there. Youre whole life you learn how to "dress" youself to face the outside. And when things get rough out there, home is always a comfort.

It'll be hard going back tomorrow, but it has to be done. I like school, i really do. But it gets really hard when the new begins to fade and reality sets in. One thing thats stuck with me recently is the fact that the worst thing to do is compare your home friends to your school friends, theyre so drastically different. They will never know who you were when you were twelve, nor will the have the capacity to do so because they werent there and its not fair to that against them, even if you dont mean to. Where it gets really hard is when you have to accept that they will know THIS you, something your home friends wont really get the chance to do. 

Remembering that now is just now and things will change is scary and comforting all at the same time. The way I felt last may when I picked Sacred Heart is not how I felt when i got here and when I got here is not the way I feel now so, next month, won't be the same either. Take is as it comes and let the wind blow you where it will, wear your jacket and eat an extra cookie or two, just enjoy the journey.

Top 5...things that make me happy, right now.

1. Home.

2. Home made pumpkin pie.

3. Midnight Shopping.

4. Christmas Music!

5. Iggy.

What's yours...

here i am and i stand so tall, just the way i'm supposed to be.

quick thought-

    i was taking the nail polish off my toes and i had gotten so used to what i was doing that i just forgot about the fact that i had a scrape on my toe, so when it came around to that nail, the remover stung the cut. you know when you get so comfortable in a situation and youre just moving along without thinking? and then something happens and you think to yourself, whyyy didnt i think about that?! maybe sometimes we need to not let ourselves get completely comfortable because, something is bound to happen, and it stings the worst when we didnt see it coming. 

top two:

1. chocolate milkshakes!

2. lavender sheets