Those of you who are reading this and don’t know me, have no idea how much I dislike the word normal. Not only do I get to hear over and over again how “these are not normal times” now I’m faced with having to deal with the idea of the “new” normal. You can hardly listen to the news, read a newspaper, or even just talk to someone without mention of the new normal.
If ‘normal’ for you was a comfortable daily routine the truth is you were about to have big changes anyway. You were headed for a new normal as in no more 8:00 AMs — that would be replaced by work at 8:00 AM. Staying up really late? No more because, again, you would need to be at work at 8:00 AM. After college life comes the life of bills, budgets, laundry, cleaning, cooking, car payments, rent, student loans, and sadly, no SHU bubble...and all that change means a loss of what was once considered ‘normal.’
What we are all faced with in this moment is loss — so let’s talk about that. Most of this is directed to the Class of 2020 — be that high school or college graduates — who are struggling with multiple losses. Some of you have had to deal with the death of people you care about but not all of you. We are all required to practice physical distancing — no handshakes or hugs! Regarding your time at Sacred Heart all of you are dealing with the loss of that last semester of your senior year. (You didn’t even get to have senioritis!) For some the premature end of an athletic season or the season that never was, the inability to party with your friends, and for now the inability to walk across the stage and feel that pride in your accomplishment while you are handed a case for your diploma. I know that your Senior Class officers and Student Government representatives are working hard to make this happen at some point but no one is sure when it will be safe to do so. All these are real losses and I’m sorry you are going to miss them.
As regards losses we can either get mired down in them or find within them opportunities for new life and new traditions. That means you have an amazing opportunity to create your own unique tradition. This will allow you to become a unique group of Forever Pioneers! What would that look like? Not sure but with the creativity of this generation, I know it will be grand.
Doesn’t every day involve change either big or small — this change may have been forced on us so why not embrace it? Why not apply our intellect, inquisitiveness, and skill to make our mark on it instead of the other way around?
Those who majored in philosophy will recognize this quote: “No one ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river, and you’re not the same person.” Yes, it’s Heraclitus and his point is pertinent for us: life is constant change. “Normal” (whatever that is) is always evolving. So in the midst of this current change with the hard losses it presents these questions remain — how shall I apply my skills to this moment? How shall I move from loss to potential? What kind of person will I become, will take shape in this evolving ‘normal’?
04/29/2020
04/23/2020
Stress about Stress before there is even Stress to Stress about
Stress about Stress before there is even Stress to Stress about
Dr. Priya Pandit, PsyD--Sacred Heart University Counseling Center
What pops into your head when you hear “stress”? Bad, right? That's true for most of us, but what is it really? Simply put, stress is a response to any environmental, physical, or psychological demand on an organism.
How many of wish life could be free of stress? So, why do we even have it? Stress is part of an evolutionary advantage to dealing with threatening situations. Though we tend to think of stress as associated with negative experiences, positive experiences can also be stressful. Take me for example, I recently gave birth to my son and am currently in the process of designing my own custom home. Both of these are very joyous and positive moments in my life, both of which I want. But, boy are they overwhelming, time consuming, and demanding of my energy! I am exhausted!
Stress is a vital and normal part of being human. It revs us up, protects us, and makes us creative and motivated. It’s a delicate balance, too little and we aren’t productive, too much and we feel overwhelmed.
When we experience a stressful situation our body goes into an automatic “fight, flight or freeze response”; our body’s way of preparing us to deal with an enemy. That enemy might be physical, or psychological, or it may be fear within yourself, but your body can’t tell the difference.
Who can relate to the following?
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin'
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
-Excerpt from: “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
Eminem is describing a stressful situation, and his body’s response is to sweat, shut down (knees weak), tense up (arms are heavy), slow down digestive processes (vomit), and choke up (words won’t come out); essential his body is employing a freeze response.
Everyone has stress, but everyone responds differently. For some it is physical symptoms: knotted muscles, grinding teeth, rapid heart rate, feeling shaky, nausea/loss of appetite, headaches, poor sleep. For others it may manifest as: feeling easily irritated or angry, being short with others, experiencing a strain on relationships, not doing as well at your job or school work, or feeling burned out (exhaustion, loss of passion, apathy, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, self-destructive behavior, slow recovery from illness). It is unrealistic and disadvantageous to get rid of stress entirely, but to avoid the above negative responses it all about managing our stress more effective. A holistic approach is nourishing our mind, body, and spirit.
TIP 1: Nourish Your Mind
- Pencil it in! A calendar helps you keep track of your schedule, particularly when your schedule changes week to week. Writing tasks down (and routinely checking the list) will help remind you of and follow-through with your tasks/commitments.
- Break it down. Organize tasks into smaller, manageable increments and plan your time accordingly.
- Make a plan. Plan your time and schedule according to the tasks that are most important and requiring more time.
- Practice the art of “No” When you say “yes” to everything, you may find yourself over-extended and exhausted. Learning to say “no” helps us create more healthy boundaries and it is better to spend the time and energy on doing a few things really well.
- Avoid the avoidance trap. Starting a task is often the hardest step, leading to procrastination and avoidance. Break down difficult tasks into more manageable goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed and falling into the avoidance trap. Build in rewards afterward to offer yourself incentives (i.e. if you complete a chapter, then you can watch an episode of your favorite show).
- Life happens! Build in some wiggle room into your schedule to accommodate the unexpected.
Helpful Apps:
- Focus-Booster: https://www.focusboosterapp.com/
- Remember the Milk: https://www.rememberthemilk.com/services/
- Do: https://www.any.do/
- ToDoList: https://en.todoist.com/
- (OFFTIME): http://offtime.co/
- BreakFree: http://www.breakfree-app.com/
- Stay on Task: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=valavg.stayontask&hl=en
TIP 2: Nourish Your Body
You snooze, you lose flourish!
We all need good sleep to function at our very best. Quality > Quantity!
- Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, or other drugs before bed.
- A quiet, dark and cool space helps to promote good sleep. Use headphones/ear plugs, sleep masks, heavy curtains, etc. to minimize the noise and promote darkness in your environment.
- Unplug! All our electronic devices provide stimulation to the brain, tricking the brain into staying awake.
- Ease the transition from wake time to sleep time by relaxing activities an hour before bed. A warm bath or shower, read a good book, watch TV (but not in bed), mindfulness or meditation (scroll below), or deep breathing.
- Struggling to fall asleep can be frustrating! Try this: after 20 minutes get up and move to another room to do something relaxing. Return to bed when you feel tired enough to fall asleep.
- Natural light helps maintain our internal clock and promote a healthy sleep-wake cycle. Allow natural light to be let in first thing in the morning to promote alertness, periodically getting out of your home/class/work to get a sun break from time to time throughout the day.
- During social distancing, you may feel cooped up inside, especially when the weather is overcast or dreary. Try using a “SAD lamp”-- these lamps act to promote melatonin production, similar to natural sunlight, helping to maintain a healthy circadian rhythm.
- Maintaining a regular sleep schedule allows to ensure better sleep quality and consistency. Going to bed and waking up around the same time every day allows your body’s internal clock to be set and expect sleep at a certain time each night. Try to maintain this schedule as closely as possibly every day, even weekends, to avoid a "sleep hangover".
You are what you eat!
In times of stress our body tends to crave sugar and carbs, our comfort foods, but what you eat makes a difference in regard to your overall well-being and physical health, but also matters for your psychological well-being. When you don’t eat well or don’t eat at all, you feel bad, lack energy, and can experience mood and/or cognitive disturbances.
Bro, do you even leviosa?
Regular exercise has several benefits for your well-being.
- Prevent excess weight gain and help weight loss. It can be helpful to engage in regular work-out activities. Now a days, we don't have access to gyms, so simply build more physical activity into your day (i.e. go for a solitary hike, climb the stairs up and down in your home, etc.)
- Prevents or reduce chances of developing certain health conditions and help fight off illnesses.
- Releases several brain chemicals, like endorphins, that improve your mood and promote a sense of relaxation. You may also feel a sense of accomplishment or feel better regarding your appearance, which can result in additional improvements to your mood and self-esteem.
- Boosts your endurance/stamina, and allows your cardiovascular system to work more efficiently, thereby providing you with more energy throughout the day.
- Regular physical activity can help you improve your sleep. Just don’t exercise within 3 hours of bedtime or you might be too alert than you want to sleep.
- Better Sex. Not only can regular exercise improve your energy to tackle daily chores and activities, but give you more energy to engage in more regular sex. The feeling of improvement on your appearance may also increase your readiness and desire to engage in intimacy. For women, regular physical activity may increase sexual arousal, while men who engage in regular exercise are less likely to struggle with sexual dysfunction.
- If you find the right physical activity tailored to you, it can be fun and enjoyable. It may allow you an opportunity to unwind and expend excess energy in a healthy and productive way. Additionally, exercise can allow you to connect with friends or family in different social setting, consider engaging in a virtual yoga class or FaceTime walks to stay connected to your social network.
Just Breathe. Our bodies come equipped with a natural stress-reliever, breathing. Taking a deep, slow breath can help reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Slowing down your breathing and taking deep breaths allow your body to calm its stress responses. Slow/deep breathing slows the heart rate, gives more oxygen to the brain, and essentially helps the body to regulate itself.
- 4-3-5. Breathe in for FOUR counts through your nose, hold that breath for THREE counts, and exhale for FIVE counts through your mouth. Repeat for a few minutes.
- Belly Balloon. Imagine your stomach is like a balloon. Place your hands on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose, filling your lungs all the way to the top, as you feel your belly and chest rising and expanding like a balloon. Now, open your mouth and slowly release the air out of your lungs, imagining that belly balloon slowly deflating. Repeat for a few minutes.
TIP 3: Nourish Your Spirit
Mindfulness is the practice of expanding one’s sense of self-awareness. It is defined as “a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment.” Specific practices that promote mindfulness include, but are not limited to: guided imagery, yoga, and tai-chi.
Meditation is the practice of directing one’s attention to a single point of reference. It may involve focusing on one’s breath, on bodily sensations, or on a word or phrase known as a mantra. All in all, meditation involves one turning their attention away from distracting thoughts and focusing their attention on the present moment.
Research on mindfulness and meditation has outlined the following benefits:
- Reduces how much time you spend worrying or experiencing anxiety.
- Reduces overall stress.
- Improves one’s working memory.
- Improves your ability to focus on a specific experience or task and improve concentration.
- Improves ability to manage emotions in a healthy way, rather than disengage or react to emotional experiences negatively.
- Helps our brains to create new and more adaptive neural pathways, resulting in less rigid, more creative and flexible thinking.
- Can help people respond to relationship stress in better ways, resulting in improved communication and the ability to reflect on positive aspects of relationships, which lead to greater feelings of satisfaction within relationships.
- These practices have a strong emphasis on expanding one’s awareness and engaging their senses can allow for a one to experience a greater understanding of themselves.
Helpful Apps:
- http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22
- Breathe2Relax: http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/breathe2relax
- Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/
- The Mindfulness App: http://www.themindfulnessapp.com/
- My Mood Tracker: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mymoodtracker/id362285162?mt=8
- Pay It Forward: http://mobileaze.com/apps/payitforward/
- Buddha Board: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/app/buddha-board/id382028345?mt=8
- Happify: happify.com/
- The Worry Box: https://www.excelatlife.com/apps.htm
Recent research has indicated that coloring, particularly mandalas and adult coloring books, offer similar psychological benefits as mindful meditation. It can be a positive coping skill, providing calming distraction from stressors, while also alleviating negative physiological symptoms. Here are some free online coloring resources:
04/16/2020
Building Resilience in Challenging Times
Building Resilience in Challenging Times
Dr. Priya Pandit, PsyD—Sacred Heart University Counseling Center
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” – Albus Dumbledore
The American Psychological Association (2014) defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress.” Simply put, when hard times hit, resilience is the capacity for people to “bounce back” and overcome challenges.
To be resilient doesn’t imply a person doesn’t suffer distress. In reality, building resilience is often a by-product of undergoing hardships and struggles and coming out the other side. Though some experiences/factors can make some people more resilient than others, resilience isn’t solely inherited or a personality trait only some people possess; it can be learned and built upon. Like strengthening a muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and deliberate practice.
Resilience can reduce overall mental and physical health issues. You can build your resilience with the following strategies:
1. Positive Affirmations
Having confidence in your ability to manage a crisis helps to build resilience. Reflect on your strengths and accomplishments, building a positive sense of self.
Helpful Tip: Look how far you’ve come already. You have gone through tough situations before; you can do it again! You have survived X many weeks of social distancing already, you can do a few more!
2. Meaning Making
Having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life can help with healing through crisis.
Helping Others. Research suggests that altruism helps protect us by cultivating connections, empowering us, and fostering positive self-worth.
Helpful Tip: In these challenging times, consider how you can be helpful to others. Perhaps you can donate supplies, sew masks, help deliver groceries to elderly neighbors, etc.
SMART Goals. Creating meaningful and realistic goals gives us a direction in our life to work toward. Building a sense of accomplishment helps improve our confidence and belief in ourselves.
Look for Opportunities. As the old adage goes, “what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.” Crisis can be a time for opportunity and growth. Hard moments can help us reflect on what we are grateful for and appreciate our lives. Tragedies can often improve our relationships, bringing people closer together, putting what is important to us back in perspective.
Helpful Tip: What are your opportunities for growth? We are in a unique time in history, consider creating a journal about your experiences in this time. Do you have any opportunities for growth? Use this as an opportunity to learn a new skill, take on a new project, read a new book…engage in something meaningful that you may have not previously had time for.
3. Cultivate Connections
Having a strong and positive support system can protect us from the negative outcomes of distress. Social distancing ≠ social isolation. In these challenging times it is more important than ever to maintain our connections with our loved ones.
Helpful Tip: Take this time to reflect on which relationships are truly important to you and consider cutting out those which may be toxic or lacking meaning in your life. You may even consider joining an online community or virtual support group that can further build you up right now. Use the various technology we have access to to stay connected.
4. Adaptation and Acceptance
The most resilient people tend to accept change as a natural part of life, and adapt accordingly. Flexibility is necessary to resilience. Sometimes you do not have control over changing a given situation, approaching it with an “it is what it is” attitude can be helpful in moving forward.
5. Positive Mindset
Maintaining a positive outlook during hardships can be difficult, nonetheless it is a crucial aspect of resilience. Optimism and hopefulness isn’t burying one’s head in the sand, but rather recognizing this too shall pass and focusing on the skills you possess to work through the challenges.
Maintain Perspective. In hard times it is easy for our heads to go toward the negative. It is an adaptive function of being aware of threats. What is much harder is reflecting on the positive. Imagine this: you may have a great day, filled with many successes, but somewhere along the way you encounter one criticism. What are you likely to remember from that day? If you are like most, you are likely to obsess over that one negative. However, resilient individuals reflect on the whole picture, keeping the positive and negative in perspective.
Helpful Tip: End the day with journaling or reflection of the positive moments you experienced that day, big or small. Writing things out helps make them more real and us more likely to remember them, helping fighting against the negatives.
Gratitude. Research on positive psychology suggests that gratitude can help fight against depression and anxiety, improving our positive feelings. Gratitude helps us be in the moment and savor the present.
Helpful Tip: Consider keeping a daily gratitude journal. Reframe your “Ugh, I have to…” attitude to a “I am blessed I get to…” attitude. (i.e. “Ugh, I hate having online courses.” → “I am blessed I have the privilege to access technology that allows me to continue my education during these uncertain times.”)
Hindsight is 20/20. It is easy to get down on ourselves for whatever our past choices after the fact, but remember, we can’t know what we didn’t know. However, we can build resilience by learning from our past and making new, more effective choices.
Helpful Tip: Remind yourself of previous challenges you have experienced, and what skills helped in those moments. How might you approach similar challenges differently?
Thought Stopping. When our negative thoughts get the better of us, we can begin to experience “cognitive distortions”—various negative thought patterns. These negative thoughts can influence our behaviors, which in turn can impact our emotions and mood.
Helpful Tip: Challenge negative thought patterns, using logic and evidence, in turn changing unhelpful behaviors and overall emotional distress.
6. Self-Care
When we are stressed, often times the first thing put on the back burner is our own self-care. But, by taking care of our needs, we can build our resilience by increasing our threshold for stress.
Helpful Tip: Please refer to the image below.
For more helpful information on self-care and stress management, please refer to next week’s blog: “Stress about Stress before there is anything to Stress about”
For more information on cultivating resilience, please take some time to watch this brief TED˟ Talk by psychologist Dr. Greg Eells, PhD:
03/25/2020
Overcoming the Challenges of Distance Learning
Overcoming the Challenge of Distance Learning
Dr. Priya Pandit, PsyD – Sacred Heart University Counseling Center
“Do it today or later you’ll pay.”—Homework Planner Gifted to Harry Potter by Hermione Granger
These times have brought with them an onslaught of new experiences; distance learning being one of them. The majority of us are used to the familiarity of in-person lectures, labs, study groups, and this transition to online has been a challenging one.
Here are some tips and tricks for being successful!
Define a “New Normal”
For many of us this transition has significantly disrupted our daily routine. We no longer have set times to go into work or class that previously gave structure to our days. Nonetheless, establishing a structured routine continues to be important and helpful. Consider writing out a daily routine to help fuel your motivation and stay productive throughout your day. If your class isn’t already, consider “going to it” at the same time it would have been scheduled if it were in person.
An example routine:
Cover Up
Some online assignments or exams can include countdown clocks, which may heighten some people’s anxiety.
A quick and easy solution to this is using a post-it note to cover up the clock to help better pace yourself and focus.
Re-establish a Baseline
You may find that your focus has been disrupted during this time. If you are struggling to focus on your work, break down your work into more manageable chunks.
Example: Set a timer and work for just 5 minutes at a time. After that period of productivity take a small break (watch a funny video, stretch, get some fresh air), and start it over again. After some time, slowly increase the time spent working. Keep practicing this exercise until your attention span has resumed.
Schedule “Worry Times”
With this increased time of anxiety, it can be easy to find ourselves consumed with our worry, taking away from our attention. To help minimize this all-consuming anxiety, consider scheduling times to worry.
When a thought pops up, write it down and remind yourself you will attend to it during your “worry time”.
When the time comes, set a timer (15-30 minutes) to attend to all your worries. Imagine the worry in full detail and rate the severity and likelihood of the worry.
Use a relaxation technique to calm down. Think through the worry using the following strategies:
- Problem-solving: plan out what you have control over in the situation, then take action
- Positive self-support in writing or self-talk
- If a worry is still at a high level, schedule it again for a future session
When the timer ends, engage in a self-care activity to help you re-focus and move away from the worrisome thoughts.
Anxiety in the Wake of a Pandemic
Dr. Priya Pandit, PsyD – Sacred Heart University Counseling Center
“No good sittin' and worryin' abou' it. What’s coming will come and we’ll meet it when it does.”—Rubeus Hagird
In these uncertain times, our anxiety is likely high. We have access to a 24/7 news cycle, bombarding us with ever changing information about the novel coronavirus than we can keep up with. You may have heard many individuals comparing this virus to the flu in recent weeks, yet you probably do not consider the flu with the same level of fear or panic. Why is that?
Beyond the scientific differences between the two diseases, the flu is a known entity. We are familiar with it, we have studied it, we may have personally experienced it, we have treatment for it. What makes coronavirus so alarming is the fear of the unknown. This is a new disease, we don’t fully understand it, we have never suffered through this, and therefore we don’t know what is coming next. So, how do we address our fears?
What Is In My Control?
It is easy for our fear to get the best of us and our mind to wander to a multitude of worries, but let me ask you, how is that helping you? It is likely, its not. In that case, re-focus your mind on what is in your control. Are you using your time well? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you practicing good health and hygiene?
It can be helpful to remember the Serenity Prayer in times like these. You may consider using it as a daily mantra:
Take Media Breaks
Do you need to follow every tweet, press conference, or update? Consider if it helping or hindering you? If you, like many, are finding the onslaught of news overwhelming, consider taking a break from the media. Perhaps schedule brief periods of time to get caught up daily, muting news organizations or asking family/friends to respect your boundaries outside of those times.
Focus on the Here and Now
Mindfulness is the practice of expanding one’s sense of self-awareness. It is defined as “a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment.” Specific practices that promote mindfulness include, but are not limited to: guided imagery, yoga, and tai-chi.
Meditation is the practice of directing one’s attention to a single point of reference. It may involve focusing on one’s breath, on bodily sensations, or on a word or phrase known as a mantra. All in all, meditation involves one turning their attention away from distracting thoughts and focusing their attention on the present moment.
Research on mindfulness and meditation has outlined the following benefits:
- Reduce how much time you spend worrying or experiencing anxiety
- Reduce overall stress
- Improve one’s working memory
- Improve your ability to focus on a specific experience or task and improve concentration
- Improve ability to manage emotions in a healthy way, rather than disengage or react to emotional
experiences negatively - Help our brains create new and more adaptive neural pathways, resulting in less rigid, more creative and
flexible thinking - Can help people respond to relationship stress in better ways, resulting in improved communication and the ability to reflect on positive aspects of relationships, which lead to greater feelings of satisfaction within
relationships
Positive Reframe
While this situation is less than ideal, it can be helpful to apply a positive outlook. This time home may provide opportunities for you to take up a new hobby or try something you’ve always wanted to try. Is there a book you’ve wanted to read? Is there a new dish you’ve always wanted to try? Is there some art you have always wanted to make? Take advantage of this extra time to create something and be productive.
Loneliness in the face of Social Distancing
Loneliness in the face of Social Distancing
Dr. Priya Pandit, PsyD—Sacred Heart University Counseling Center
“Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”—Albus Dumbledore
In these extraordinary and challenging times, social distancing is crucial and necessary to lessen the impacts of the novel coronavirus. While it is absolutely essential, it does not make it any less difficult. In fact, love and belonging fall in third place among the psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, just after physiological and safety needs. People are having to spend extended periods of time away from family, friends, and significant others. Often times, isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness, and in some cases symptoms of depression.
So, how can we combat these negative impacts?
Technology
This is a time to be using our technological advances to our advantage. In this day an age we have incredible access to our loved ones at our finger tips. Phone calls, text messages, video chats, social media, etc. Use these various platforms to stay connected.
Do you go out for coffee dates with your friends every week? Set up a video date to keep your standing hang out, share a cup of coffee and catch up. Or maybe use video chats to have family dinners #AloneTogether. However you choose to stay connected, it can be helpful to “schedule” regular dates to maintain as much of your sense of routine as possible.
Self-Care
“Self-care” has become a popular buzzword, but what it is really? Self-care involves engaging in any activity we do intentionally in order to attend to our mental, emotional, and physical health. While that may sound simple and easy enough, in our busy lives, it often falls to the wayside. In these uncertain times, we need to be taking care of ourselves more than ever! Proper self-care is paramount to improving our mood and reducing feelings of depression or anxiety. Consider finding small ways to take care of yourselves every day. This might mean going for a walk in your neighborhood, doing yoga or a work out at home, reading a good book, or catching up on a fun show!
03/15/2016
02/10/2016
Take a "Healthy Relationship" quiz!
The Culture of Respect Education/Prevention Committee is sponsoring a colloquium on February 24th at 2pm in the UC called "Blurred Lines: Love, Respect, and Healthy Relationships." Come take a healthy relationship quiz and get some great tips for making it work!