Those of you who are reading this and don’t know me, have no idea how much I dislike the word normal. Not only do I get to hear over and over again how “these are not normal times” now I’m faced with having to deal with the idea of the “new” normal. You can hardly listen to the news, read a newspaper, or even just talk to someone without mention of the new normal.
If ‘normal’ for you was a comfortable daily routine the truth is you were about to have big changes anyway. You were headed for a new normal as in no more 8:00 AMs — that would be replaced by work at 8:00 AM. Staying up really late? No more because, again, you would need to be at work at 8:00 AM. After college life comes the life of bills, budgets, laundry, cleaning, cooking, car payments, rent, student loans, and sadly, no SHU bubble...and all that change means a loss of what was once considered ‘normal.’
What we are all faced with in this moment is loss — so let’s talk about that. Most of this is directed to the Class of 2020 — be that high school or college graduates — who are struggling with multiple losses. Some of you have had to deal with the death of people you care about but not all of you. We are all required to practice physical distancing — no handshakes or hugs! Regarding your time at Sacred Heart all of you are dealing with the loss of that last semester of your senior year. (You didn’t even get to have senioritis!) For some the premature end of an athletic season or the season that never was, the inability to party with your friends, and for now the inability to walk across the stage and feel that pride in your accomplishment while you are handed a case for your diploma. I know that your Senior Class officers and Student Government representatives are working hard to make this happen at some point but no one is sure when it will be safe to do so. All these are real losses and I’m sorry you are going to miss them.
As regards losses we can either get mired down in them or find within them opportunities for new life and new traditions. That means you have an amazing opportunity to create your own unique tradition. This will allow you to become a unique group of Forever Pioneers! What would that look like? Not sure but with the creativity of this generation, I know it will be grand.
Doesn’t every day involve change either big or small — this change may have been forced on us so why not embrace it? Why not apply our intellect, inquisitiveness, and skill to make our mark on it instead of the other way around?
Those who majored in philosophy will recognize this quote: “No one ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river, and you’re not the same person.” Yes, it’s Heraclitus and his point is pertinent for us: life is constant change. “Normal” (whatever that is) is always evolving. So in the midst of this current change with the hard losses it presents these questions remain — how shall I apply my skills to this moment? How shall I move from loss to potential? What kind of person will I become, will take shape in this evolving ‘normal’?
April 2020
04/29/2020
04/23/2020
Stress about Stress before there is even Stress to Stress about
Stress about Stress before there is even Stress to Stress about
Dr. Priya Pandit, PsyD--Sacred Heart University Counseling Center
What pops into your head when you hear “stress”? Bad, right? That's true for most of us, but what is it really? Simply put, stress is a response to any environmental, physical, or psychological demand on an organism.
How many of wish life could be free of stress? So, why do we even have it? Stress is part of an evolutionary advantage to dealing with threatening situations. Though we tend to think of stress as associated with negative experiences, positive experiences can also be stressful. Take me for example, I recently gave birth to my son and am currently in the process of designing my own custom home. Both of these are very joyous and positive moments in my life, both of which I want. But, boy are they overwhelming, time consuming, and demanding of my energy! I am exhausted!
Stress is a vital and normal part of being human. It revs us up, protects us, and makes us creative and motivated. It’s a delicate balance, too little and we aren’t productive, too much and we feel overwhelmed.
When we experience a stressful situation our body goes into an automatic “fight, flight or freeze response”; our body’s way of preparing us to deal with an enemy. That enemy might be physical, or psychological, or it may be fear within yourself, but your body can’t tell the difference.
Who can relate to the following?
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin'
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
-Excerpt from: “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
Eminem is describing a stressful situation, and his body’s response is to sweat, shut down (knees weak), tense up (arms are heavy), slow down digestive processes (vomit), and choke up (words won’t come out); essential his body is employing a freeze response.
Everyone has stress, but everyone responds differently. For some it is physical symptoms: knotted muscles, grinding teeth, rapid heart rate, feeling shaky, nausea/loss of appetite, headaches, poor sleep. For others it may manifest as: feeling easily irritated or angry, being short with others, experiencing a strain on relationships, not doing as well at your job or school work, or feeling burned out (exhaustion, loss of passion, apathy, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, self-destructive behavior, slow recovery from illness). It is unrealistic and disadvantageous to get rid of stress entirely, but to avoid the above negative responses it all about managing our stress more effective. A holistic approach is nourishing our mind, body, and spirit.
TIP 1: Nourish Your Mind
- Pencil it in! A calendar helps you keep track of your schedule, particularly when your schedule changes week to week. Writing tasks down (and routinely checking the list) will help remind you of and follow-through with your tasks/commitments.
- Break it down. Organize tasks into smaller, manageable increments and plan your time accordingly.
- Make a plan. Plan your time and schedule according to the tasks that are most important and requiring more time.
- Practice the art of “No” When you say “yes” to everything, you may find yourself over-extended and exhausted. Learning to say “no” helps us create more healthy boundaries and it is better to spend the time and energy on doing a few things really well.
- Avoid the avoidance trap. Starting a task is often the hardest step, leading to procrastination and avoidance. Break down difficult tasks into more manageable goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed and falling into the avoidance trap. Build in rewards afterward to offer yourself incentives (i.e. if you complete a chapter, then you can watch an episode of your favorite show).
- Life happens! Build in some wiggle room into your schedule to accommodate the unexpected.
Helpful Apps:
- Focus-Booster: https://www.focusboosterapp.com/
- Remember the Milk: https://www.rememberthemilk.com/services/
- Do: https://www.any.do/
- ToDoList: https://en.todoist.com/
- (OFFTIME): http://offtime.co/
- BreakFree: http://www.breakfree-app.com/
- Stay on Task: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=valavg.stayontask&hl=en
TIP 2: Nourish Your Body
You snooze, you lose flourish!
We all need good sleep to function at our very best. Quality > Quantity!
- Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, or other drugs before bed.
- A quiet, dark and cool space helps to promote good sleep. Use headphones/ear plugs, sleep masks, heavy curtains, etc. to minimize the noise and promote darkness in your environment.
- Unplug! All our electronic devices provide stimulation to the brain, tricking the brain into staying awake.
- Ease the transition from wake time to sleep time by relaxing activities an hour before bed. A warm bath or shower, read a good book, watch TV (but not in bed), mindfulness or meditation (scroll below), or deep breathing.
- Struggling to fall asleep can be frustrating! Try this: after 20 minutes get up and move to another room to do something relaxing. Return to bed when you feel tired enough to fall asleep.
- Natural light helps maintain our internal clock and promote a healthy sleep-wake cycle. Allow natural light to be let in first thing in the morning to promote alertness, periodically getting out of your home/class/work to get a sun break from time to time throughout the day.
- During social distancing, you may feel cooped up inside, especially when the weather is overcast or dreary. Try using a “SAD lamp”-- these lamps act to promote melatonin production, similar to natural sunlight, helping to maintain a healthy circadian rhythm.
- Maintaining a regular sleep schedule allows to ensure better sleep quality and consistency. Going to bed and waking up around the same time every day allows your body’s internal clock to be set and expect sleep at a certain time each night. Try to maintain this schedule as closely as possibly every day, even weekends, to avoid a "sleep hangover".
You are what you eat!
In times of stress our body tends to crave sugar and carbs, our comfort foods, but what you eat makes a difference in regard to your overall well-being and physical health, but also matters for your psychological well-being. When you don’t eat well or don’t eat at all, you feel bad, lack energy, and can experience mood and/or cognitive disturbances.
Bro, do you even leviosa?
Regular exercise has several benefits for your well-being.
- Prevent excess weight gain and help weight loss. It can be helpful to engage in regular work-out activities. Now a days, we don't have access to gyms, so simply build more physical activity into your day (i.e. go for a solitary hike, climb the stairs up and down in your home, etc.)
- Prevents or reduce chances of developing certain health conditions and help fight off illnesses.
- Releases several brain chemicals, like endorphins, that improve your mood and promote a sense of relaxation. You may also feel a sense of accomplishment or feel better regarding your appearance, which can result in additional improvements to your mood and self-esteem.
- Boosts your endurance/stamina, and allows your cardiovascular system to work more efficiently, thereby providing you with more energy throughout the day.
- Regular physical activity can help you improve your sleep. Just don’t exercise within 3 hours of bedtime or you might be too alert than you want to sleep.
- Better Sex. Not only can regular exercise improve your energy to tackle daily chores and activities, but give you more energy to engage in more regular sex. The feeling of improvement on your appearance may also increase your readiness and desire to engage in intimacy. For women, regular physical activity may increase sexual arousal, while men who engage in regular exercise are less likely to struggle with sexual dysfunction.
- If you find the right physical activity tailored to you, it can be fun and enjoyable. It may allow you an opportunity to unwind and expend excess energy in a healthy and productive way. Additionally, exercise can allow you to connect with friends or family in different social setting, consider engaging in a virtual yoga class or FaceTime walks to stay connected to your social network.
Just Breathe. Our bodies come equipped with a natural stress-reliever, breathing. Taking a deep, slow breath can help reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Slowing down your breathing and taking deep breaths allow your body to calm its stress responses. Slow/deep breathing slows the heart rate, gives more oxygen to the brain, and essentially helps the body to regulate itself.
- 4-3-5. Breathe in for FOUR counts through your nose, hold that breath for THREE counts, and exhale for FIVE counts through your mouth. Repeat for a few minutes.
- Belly Balloon. Imagine your stomach is like a balloon. Place your hands on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose, filling your lungs all the way to the top, as you feel your belly and chest rising and expanding like a balloon. Now, open your mouth and slowly release the air out of your lungs, imagining that belly balloon slowly deflating. Repeat for a few minutes.
TIP 3: Nourish Your Spirit
Mindfulness is the practice of expanding one’s sense of self-awareness. It is defined as “a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment.” Specific practices that promote mindfulness include, but are not limited to: guided imagery, yoga, and tai-chi.
Meditation is the practice of directing one’s attention to a single point of reference. It may involve focusing on one’s breath, on bodily sensations, or on a word or phrase known as a mantra. All in all, meditation involves one turning their attention away from distracting thoughts and focusing their attention on the present moment.
Research on mindfulness and meditation has outlined the following benefits:
- Reduces how much time you spend worrying or experiencing anxiety.
- Reduces overall stress.
- Improves one’s working memory.
- Improves your ability to focus on a specific experience or task and improve concentration.
- Improves ability to manage emotions in a healthy way, rather than disengage or react to emotional experiences negatively.
- Helps our brains to create new and more adaptive neural pathways, resulting in less rigid, more creative and flexible thinking.
- Can help people respond to relationship stress in better ways, resulting in improved communication and the ability to reflect on positive aspects of relationships, which lead to greater feelings of satisfaction within relationships.
- These practices have a strong emphasis on expanding one’s awareness and engaging their senses can allow for a one to experience a greater understanding of themselves.
Helpful Apps:
- http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22
- Breathe2Relax: http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/breathe2relax
- Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/
- The Mindfulness App: http://www.themindfulnessapp.com/
- My Mood Tracker: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mymoodtracker/id362285162?mt=8
- Pay It Forward: http://mobileaze.com/apps/payitforward/
- Buddha Board: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/app/buddha-board/id382028345?mt=8
- Happify: happify.com/
- The Worry Box: https://www.excelatlife.com/apps.htm
Recent research has indicated that coloring, particularly mandalas and adult coloring books, offer similar psychological benefits as mindful meditation. It can be a positive coping skill, providing calming distraction from stressors, while also alleviating negative physiological symptoms. Here are some free online coloring resources:
04/16/2020
Building Resilience in Challenging Times
Building Resilience in Challenging Times
Dr. Priya Pandit, PsyD—Sacred Heart University Counseling Center
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” – Albus Dumbledore
The American Psychological Association (2014) defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress.” Simply put, when hard times hit, resilience is the capacity for people to “bounce back” and overcome challenges.
To be resilient doesn’t imply a person doesn’t suffer distress. In reality, building resilience is often a by-product of undergoing hardships and struggles and coming out the other side. Though some experiences/factors can make some people more resilient than others, resilience isn’t solely inherited or a personality trait only some people possess; it can be learned and built upon. Like strengthening a muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and deliberate practice.
Resilience can reduce overall mental and physical health issues. You can build your resilience with the following strategies:
1. Positive Affirmations
Having confidence in your ability to manage a crisis helps to build resilience. Reflect on your strengths and accomplishments, building a positive sense of self.
Helpful Tip: Look how far you’ve come already. You have gone through tough situations before; you can do it again! You have survived X many weeks of social distancing already, you can do a few more!
2. Meaning Making
Having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life can help with healing through crisis.
Helping Others. Research suggests that altruism helps protect us by cultivating connections, empowering us, and fostering positive self-worth.
Helpful Tip: In these challenging times, consider how you can be helpful to others. Perhaps you can donate supplies, sew masks, help deliver groceries to elderly neighbors, etc.
SMART Goals. Creating meaningful and realistic goals gives us a direction in our life to work toward. Building a sense of accomplishment helps improve our confidence and belief in ourselves.
Look for Opportunities. As the old adage goes, “what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.” Crisis can be a time for opportunity and growth. Hard moments can help us reflect on what we are grateful for and appreciate our lives. Tragedies can often improve our relationships, bringing people closer together, putting what is important to us back in perspective.
Helpful Tip: What are your opportunities for growth? We are in a unique time in history, consider creating a journal about your experiences in this time. Do you have any opportunities for growth? Use this as an opportunity to learn a new skill, take on a new project, read a new book…engage in something meaningful that you may have not previously had time for.
3. Cultivate Connections
Having a strong and positive support system can protect us from the negative outcomes of distress. Social distancing ≠ social isolation. In these challenging times it is more important than ever to maintain our connections with our loved ones.
Helpful Tip: Take this time to reflect on which relationships are truly important to you and consider cutting out those which may be toxic or lacking meaning in your life. You may even consider joining an online community or virtual support group that can further build you up right now. Use the various technology we have access to to stay connected.
4. Adaptation and Acceptance
The most resilient people tend to accept change as a natural part of life, and adapt accordingly. Flexibility is necessary to resilience. Sometimes you do not have control over changing a given situation, approaching it with an “it is what it is” attitude can be helpful in moving forward.
5. Positive Mindset
Maintaining a positive outlook during hardships can be difficult, nonetheless it is a crucial aspect of resilience. Optimism and hopefulness isn’t burying one’s head in the sand, but rather recognizing this too shall pass and focusing on the skills you possess to work through the challenges.
Maintain Perspective. In hard times it is easy for our heads to go toward the negative. It is an adaptive function of being aware of threats. What is much harder is reflecting on the positive. Imagine this: you may have a great day, filled with many successes, but somewhere along the way you encounter one criticism. What are you likely to remember from that day? If you are like most, you are likely to obsess over that one negative. However, resilient individuals reflect on the whole picture, keeping the positive and negative in perspective.
Helpful Tip: End the day with journaling or reflection of the positive moments you experienced that day, big or small. Writing things out helps make them more real and us more likely to remember them, helping fighting against the negatives.
Gratitude. Research on positive psychology suggests that gratitude can help fight against depression and anxiety, improving our positive feelings. Gratitude helps us be in the moment and savor the present.
Helpful Tip: Consider keeping a daily gratitude journal. Reframe your “Ugh, I have to…” attitude to a “I am blessed I get to…” attitude. (i.e. “Ugh, I hate having online courses.” → “I am blessed I have the privilege to access technology that allows me to continue my education during these uncertain times.”)
Hindsight is 20/20. It is easy to get down on ourselves for whatever our past choices after the fact, but remember, we can’t know what we didn’t know. However, we can build resilience by learning from our past and making new, more effective choices.
Helpful Tip: Remind yourself of previous challenges you have experienced, and what skills helped in those moments. How might you approach similar challenges differently?
Thought Stopping. When our negative thoughts get the better of us, we can begin to experience “cognitive distortions”—various negative thought patterns. These negative thoughts can influence our behaviors, which in turn can impact our emotions and mood.
Helpful Tip: Challenge negative thought patterns, using logic and evidence, in turn changing unhelpful behaviors and overall emotional distress.
6. Self-Care
When we are stressed, often times the first thing put on the back burner is our own self-care. But, by taking care of our needs, we can build our resilience by increasing our threshold for stress.
Helpful Tip: Please refer to the image below.
For more helpful information on self-care and stress management, please refer to next week’s blog: “Stress about Stress before there is anything to Stress about”
For more information on cultivating resilience, please take some time to watch this brief TED˟ Talk by psychologist Dr. Greg Eells, PhD: